It’s Katy Perry’s Fault

I don’t want to make light of a tragedy, however The Lupa Cartel has received reliable information from a dependable source that Katy Perry is to blame for the shooting of Rep Giffords and others in Arizona.

What hasn’t been published is that the shooter John Loughner heard the song “California Gurls” before going on his rampage.

See now it all becomes clear.

It is impossible to listen to that song without becoming infuriated, extremely irritated and pushed over the edge.  It’s just a bad song.  Katy Perry used to be a Christian singer and now she’s telling me about gin and juice and represnting the west side. 

She said she was motivated to do the song after hearing Empire State of Mind.  She said 2Pac wouldn’t have been down with that song, gee golly don’t you know.  She had to “answer” that.  And in that cocaine deteoriated mind of hers she believes California Gurls, and that’s “gurls” not girls because she’s extra witty, is that answer, that song that makes us here go, “oh damn I really wish I lived in Cali.”

I like California, but the only thing it has on the east coast is In and Out Burgers, sunshine and palm trees.  That’s it.  We do everything bigger and better here.  We work twice as hard and play ten times harder.

What’s so great about California girls anyway?  Granted they aren’t pieces of trash like J-Wow… they’re bigger pieces of trash.  Native California girls and the transplants make up about 95% of the girls you see in pornos.  California girls really are undeniable… undeniably more likely to exploit themselves by becoming human seed canvases, becoming sick jizz Jackson Pollack paintings. 

Katy Perry is basically the female Russell Brand, oh snap, they really are made for each other.  Seriously though I heard Russell gave Katy an extra pernicious strain of British herpes from all those whores he used to bang in England.  Those herpes have bad teeth and have never had a good meal in their life.  That’s why they’re so angry.

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