The number one text/IM acronym which causes me the most irritation is FML.  Nothing encapsulates America’s selfish ego more than those three little letters.  Fuck my life?  No, fuck YOUR life.

For starters, people who use that must not understand the meaning of “fuck” or “my life.”  I value my life, I don’t want to see it fucked.  My life is everything that is unique to me.  It’s my essence, my being, kind of the most important thing I have.  For something to be fucked means you hold it in no regard, in fact you hold it in contempt.  If you have ever said FML I want you to stop being a pussy, go to the kitchen and cut your wrists.  Maybe not cut your wrists, but end your life in a very painful way.  When I say fuck something or someone, that’s what I feel towards it.

You notice how it’s always used in only extremely dramatic fashion?  Oh you’re hungover?  Wow that sucks.  You know hangovers are only temporary right?  Unlike the millions who live their life in modern slavery.  That’s permanent, it won’t wear off in a few hours.  They can say FML.  You are just a whining bitch.

Honestly, I have yet to see one instance of its use where it is justified.  I could even argue if you are able to iterate that sentiment to me over the internet, it means in the grand scheme of things you live a quality of life that can afford things like the internet.  I have yet to see, “was forced to have sex with 20 guys today.  My parents were murdered.  Oh yeah, I’m only 11.  FML.” 

The shit I see people use FML for is ” had to wait an HOUR to return this and missed Snooki barfing on Pauly D.  FML!!!!!”  You need the exclamation points.  No, no, saying something like fuck my life is not strong enough, it needs to be punctuated properly.

In a country where we work more hours than any other industrial nation on Earth and by all accounts are pretty tough for the kind of wealth we have, I think it’s mind boggling we stoop to such levels to complain about trivial things.  Yes hangovers suck, waiting in line sucks and your significant other cheating on you sucks.  War, torture, disease, poverty, exploitation and malice all suck more though… kind of significantly.

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