The Black Eyed Peas Are The Corniest and Most Irritating Group of the Past Ten Years

That isn’t even a bold statement.  These guys are CORNY!  They have about as much edge as a razor blade after Pink shaves her beard with it, cause you know she’s a man baby!

Exhibit A: Where Is The Love

What’s the matter with the world?  Irritating, “I’m gonna put you on to the world’s problems” songs like this.  I’ve read a newspaper regularly since I was 10 years old, I just don’t need a Kindergarten rap group to put me on.  Not to mention Justin Timberlake shouldn’t sing.  He’s a capable actor, but the guy can’t sing for shit.  I’m sorry if I use say, Stevie as my barometer to compare singers.  Guy has less soul than a worn out sneaker.  And this beat? Please it makes the case for itself.  Is this supposed to inspire people to do better things in the world?  It inspired me to buy ice picks and shove them in my cochleas.

Exhibit B My Humps:

Where do we start with this one. I think if Thomas Edison knew his invention was being used for crap like this he would have thrown the phonograph out the window. Equal opportunity employment should not apply to deaf producers.  Did they listen to this at any point in time during its conception, recording and release?  George Bush okayed waterboarding but drew the line on this shit.  “God damn it, this is AMERICA!  These means comprmise the end!”  Fergie has me spending all right, spending time in figuring out how to live the rest of my life without ever hearing this abomination again.  Does she understand what a pleasing timbre is?  Will (to listen to this) I.have.not!

Exhibit C Boom Boom Pow:

At this point I have to with all seriousness ask if they are being serious with this shit?  Did they watch the opening to this video?  They’re in their 30’s! This seems like some shit that gets played on Sesame Street right before Elmo says, “FUCK this Elmo don’t get paid enough to listen to this bullshit!  Elmo want to commit murder/suicide!”  Don’t let the beat rock… let it die, just let it die.

Exhibit D I Gotta Feeling

Sometimes I feel if there is a God he put this group on Earth just to fuck with me!  This sounds like shit a literally mentally retarded DJ in Ibiza would play after about 20 E pills.  Keep your Euro trash in Europe and if it has to come here keep it in Cali.  “Just change the cadence!  It really sucks!  What made you think!  Shit was hot!”



Exhibit E The Time:

I could go on for days with these guys and I’m honestly only stopping with this out of sheer laziness.  Trust it was hard to come up with these nominations.  This is some real precious shit though.  You can fool the kids into thinking The Time of My Life was some hot shit worth redoing, but nothing positive came from the movie Dirty Dancing, nothing!  And I SWEAR this is true.

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