Archive for December, 2010

Landline Hell

Posted in General, Society on December 30, 2010 by Lupa

It’s been 2 days since I hooked my landine and I was immediately reintroduced to the joys of having a landline i.e. telemarketers and wrong numbers.  Even worse I’m getting calls from debt collectors and the debt isn’t even mine.  FML!  No really, I’m ready to call it an end from this.  Suicide.


Posted in General, Society on December 30, 2010 by Lupa

The number one text/IM acronym which causes me the most irritation is FML.  Nothing encapsulates America’s selfish ego more than those three little letters.  Fuck my life?  No, fuck YOUR life.

For starters, people who use that must not understand the meaning of “fuck” or “my life.”  I value my life, I don’t want to see it fucked.  My life is everything that is unique to me.  It’s my essence, my being, kind of the most important thing I have.  For something to be fucked means you hold it in no regard, in fact you hold it in contempt.  If you have ever said FML I want you to stop being a pussy, go to the kitchen and cut your wrists.  Maybe not cut your wrists, but end your life in a very painful way.  When I say fuck something or someone, that’s what I feel towards it.

You notice how it’s always used in only extremely dramatic fashion?  Oh you’re hungover?  Wow that sucks.  You know hangovers are only temporary right?  Unlike the millions who live their life in modern slavery.  That’s permanent, it won’t wear off in a few hours.  They can say FML.  You are just a whining bitch.

Honestly, I have yet to see one instance of its use where it is justified.  I could even argue if you are able to iterate that sentiment to me over the internet, it means in the grand scheme of things you live a quality of life that can afford things like the internet.  I have yet to see, “was forced to have sex with 20 guys today.  My parents were murdered.  Oh yeah, I’m only 11.  FML.” 

The shit I see people use FML for is ” had to wait an HOUR to return this and missed Snooki barfing on Pauly D.  FML!!!!!”  You need the exclamation points.  No, no, saying something like fuck my life is not strong enough, it needs to be punctuated properly.

In a country where we work more hours than any other industrial nation on Earth and by all accounts are pretty tough for the kind of wealth we have, I think it’s mind boggling we stoop to such levels to complain about trivial things.  Yes hangovers suck, waiting in line sucks and your significant other cheating on you sucks.  War, torture, disease, poverty, exploitation and malice all suck more though… kind of significantly.

Brooklyn, BK, Brooklon

Posted in NY/NJ, Race, Society on December 27, 2010 by Lupa

I have nothing against Brooklyn, but as a weird Hunter S. Thompson like not meant for mass production prototype Jersey-Bronxite, I just keep my opinions of BK in perspective.

Probably more so than any other borough it has the highest identity/pride factor.  Where you from?  BROOKLYN.  Yeah that’s nice…

This idea that all Brooklynites are somehow united in their mutual residence in BK is garbage though.  There are very much 2, maybe even three Brooklyns.  One for whites, one for minorities, and one for immigrants.

For example, you ask white people from Brooklyn who their favorite rappers are and they’ll probably say Biggie or Jay-Z.  Why?  It’s a Brooklyn thing stunad!

Well only thing is, Biggie and Jay don’t rep the white parts of Brooklyn.  That’s right, they could care less about you Guido.  Here’s a list of neighborhoods name checked in their classic “Brooklyn’s Finest”

  • Marcy
  • Bed-Stuy
  • Crown Heights
  • Bushwick
  • Fort Greene
  • Red Hook
  • East New York
  • Clinton Hill

Notice Bensonhurst, Bay Ridge, Midwood, Borough Park, Sheepshead Bay or Brighton Beach aren’t there?  I don’t think they are shouting out the Jews in Crown heights.

Some people from other parts of the country might think, but I thought Brooklyn was this super cohesive thing and everyone from Brooklyn got along?  Hello, have you seen Do The Right Thing?  Mutual residence in a borough is far from a guarantee of civility. 

If you live in Williamsburg or Fort Greene, or any other gentrified Brooklyn neighborhood, you better believe the natives resent that you live there after it was safe to live there and are the cause of the rent being TOO DAMN HIGH! 

DUMBO?  I don’t think so.

Secular Christmas

Posted in General, Society on December 25, 2010 by Lupa

Christmas is a great holiday, probably tied with Thanksgiving for me at #2 (new Years Eve is #1)

Now, I never celebrated Christmas growing up.  It’s not because we were really poor or hated Jesus, it’s because we celebrated Hanukkah, the festival of lights (and not much else)

Not to knock any religion, but Hanukkah kind of sucks compared to Christmas at least when you are a kid.  Say a prayer, light a candle, spin a top and eat some fried potato, wow really awesome.   There was no man in a red suit to leave cookies for, no waiting all night to open presents, there was just the aforementioned.

One of the selling points for Hanukkah someone told me as a kid was that it’s better than Christmas because it lasts 8 nights.  That’s kind of like sleeping with 6 women who are 1’s and 2 who are 2’s; you’d rather just sleep with one who is a perfect 10. 

At least I got to celebrate Hanukkah though.  I can imagine what it was like celebrating Kwanza.  Here’s our great holiday which people only know so they can check it off their “cultural sensitivity list.”  Muslims don’t even get a December holiday to compete with Christmas and their marquee holiday Ramadan you have to fast for.  Who the fuck wants to fast on a holiday?  On Christmas you eat and get drunk.  Yes Christmas is good.

And Fesitvus, please.  Seinfeld already was starting to suck when they showed that episode and yes I said suck.  Seinfeld is not this great thing that is beyond criticism.  Ironically, Seinfeld was the worst thing about Seinfeld.  Talk about being overrated, Jerry Seinfeld is kind of funny, but then again kind of annoying too.   And damn I can see Jerry pulling chicks like he got because he was a moderately successful stand up comic in New York City but George?  George was getting laid all the time, and he was a short, fat, bald, unemployed neurotic who lived with his parents.  It’s not like he was pulling dimes, but damn, he bagged some stuff clearly out of his league.

Only thing about me celebrating Christmas is that it is at odds with my Agnostic beliefs.  The reason I’m not Athiest is because shit, I have a big head, but I’m not going to venture so far as to say there is no God at all.  Being Agnostic is casting an abstention in the voting for God election.

Believing in God, especially a Judeo-Christian religion, I think is absurd, but then again I’m not going to argue with billions of people who have thought otherwise for thousands of years.  If you want to believe in the man in the sky or believe in nothing, I really don’t care.

So what’s a Jewish boy who grows up into a secular man supposed to do at Christmas?

The thing is, it’s not my fault I have a desire to celebrate Christmas in some way.  For one, all the holiday movies when you are kid are about Christmas and you get forced to watch them.  Then on top of that, some of them are actually really good.  Plus, I always had school off for Christmas, but they never accommodated any other winter holiday.  Maybe if there was a hard and fast day off for Kwanza I’d have a soft spot for it.

Then in an ultra ironic twist both of my parents married gentiles after they got divorced and somehow I was finally let into Club Christmas and it was good, yes it was good.  I was on the inside.  No more watching Rudolph and not understanding.  I had Santa and Jesus on speed dial.

The thing is, Christmas itself isn’t really anything special.  It’s basically celebrating Thanksgiving but with a red and green theme.  It’s the atmosphere Christmas creates with everyone.  Kind of like how New Year’s Eve is just like a regular Saturday night except it lasts longer and it is entirely easier to get laid.  It’s those little things which add weight.

How Not To Save Money Part 1

Posted in General with tags , , , on December 17, 2010 by Lupa

Living in the tri state area, NYC in particular, you will routinely grab your ankles through the course of everyday living.  Add to that a recession where you may be collecting unemployment, or have had to take a pay cut or may see your income decline in the future, and the need for penny-pinching becomes abundantly clear.  At the same time, you can not go overboard with this, because obsessing over every last cent or purchasing something inferior to save money can cause as many problems as overspending .  Here’s a few thing I always keep in mind, and some are strictly how I do things, it may not work for you.

1.  Generic Products – The financial utility of generic products can not be overstated.  If you have some uppity need for name brand everything, you need to get over that shit.  Some things in my opinion, you should never even consider buying name brand, though there are always exceptions even to this rule.  If the active ingredient is the exact same thing and in the same amount as the brand name, you know what to do.  Advil is the same exact thing as generic Ibuprofen.  If we’re talking about normal headaches, you are not going to get relief in any considerably better way with a name brand.   With most prescription meds you are really taking an unecessary one in the ass by not getting the generic.

Some medicines might adhere to this rule, but it contains certain things which are inactive perhaps, but which somehow make it work better or the discount makes it not worth it.  For example generic toothpaste may contain the same amount of fluoride as the name brand, but from my experience brand name toothpaste seems to make teeth look whiter, and I don’t know why.

A rule I tend to stick to with generic products is that if taste is involved, I tend to buy the name brand because eating is not only a survival necessity, it’s a leisure activity.  Some exceptions would be condiments.  Ketchup is ketchup.  It compliments, it’s not the main attraction.  In general all condiments are safe for generic purchase.  One exception: salad dressing.  Generic salad dressing never tastes as good as regular salad dressing, but it is one of those things where the generic is considerably lower in price than the name brand, so that’s your call.

Another, at least for me, is cereal.  I like to enjoy my cereal and generic cereals don’t do it for me.  I either buy the real, or just don’t get cereal in that trip.  I want Cocoa Puffs, not Cocoa Stuffs.  It’s not the same, clearly.

I never see the need to buy generic soda on any consistent basis.  You are supposed to enjoy soda, so sorry Nehi, Tropical Fantasy, Top Pop or whatever 50 cent soda hood bullshit, I’m not buying, not even to mix with alcohol.

Point is, if what you are buying is a considerable part of the taste factor, just spring for the brand name and cut costs in other ways.  Eating is to be enjoyed and you can put a price on your well being. 

There are times buying generic might actually cost you more for example if have to use twice as much of it to achieve the same result.  Generic dishwasher soap is always shitty.  It won’t get your dishes clean, you’ll have that thin grease film on it unless you dump a shitload on it.  However the inversion of this rule is something like bleach.  Bleach is freakin bleach, it gets shit white.

To finish up part 1, I would like to touch on clothes.  People get ripped on clothes constantly but here is the bottom line.  If you like it and you think it looks good, it doesn’t matter where you bought it.  Get over that, you aren’t in high school.  You see something at Kmart that looks good, buy that shit.  At the same time, without question better quality clothing is generally available at more expensive shops so you can not limit yourself to discount stores.  Look for the deals.  Browsing never hurt anyone.  Even check out a thrift store, you would be amazed at what rich people get rid of.  I bought a high quality three-piece suit for 5 dollars at thrift store once and people always asked me where I got it, like it was designer shit.  I think it was custom made.  Unfortunately, I was like 30 pounds lighter then so I can’t wear it anymore, but if you don’t look for deals you’ll never find them.  Bottom line, never feel compelled to pay extra for something you can get for less in the name conspicious consumption.

Next time we will explore saving money on goods away from the home, as well as services.

The Crying Game

Posted in Politics, Society with tags , , , , on December 15, 2010 by Lupa

John Boehner needs to man up. 

It’s not because crying is wrong, or it’s wrong for men to cry, it’s because repeatedly crying in public for suspect reasons is not becoming of a man, a woman or anyone over say 7. Lyfe Jennings – Cry (Live at the Apollo)

First off, the man starts to cry mainly when talking about his own upbringing (or in someway which reminds him of his upbringing like his crying after seeing school kids) which adds a tint of self centeredness to his actions.  I wish some research can be done to see him speaking about the world’s calamities and see how he reacts.  In any event, from what I have read, the guy does come from a modest background, including having to share a house with one bathroom with his parents and eleven brothers and sisters.  I’m sure that sucked.  When you gotta take that shit and the line in your own house resembles something out of Yankee Stadium, I’m sure that can make a guy emotional.  I’m certain there were times he said fuck this and took the roll of toilet paper outside and shit in a hole.  Again, I’m sure that sucks. 

The only thing is, there is a difference between feeling emotional and actually crying.  And let’s remember, people have had it way worse.  I can’t remember Nelson Mandella crying when recalling his 27 years of unjustified incarceration.  It’s not like Boehner grew up in the projects seeing his friends die of violence and drugs.  Did Boehner lose his legs in Vietnam when he was 18?

I think you get a pass for crying when talking about your upbringing or what you’ve went through once.  Any more than that and you might need a psychiatrist.

One of George W. Bush’s strengths was that in the face adversity he was always stoic.   After 9/11 there were many times most of us probably would bawled in public when having to constantly speak of it and be reminded of it.  He never did and it projected strength.  It’s not that that he was indifferent to what was going on, but he knew the sight of him crying served no positive purpose and like it or not being a man, or being perceived as a man, is being able to control your emotions. 

Other times crying shows our humanity and is perceived as a strength.  Hillary Clinton cried on the campaign for president and people remarked how her vulnerability was seen as identifiable.  I thought it was kind of contrived, but then again I was never a huge Hillary fan.

Something that was mocked was when Roger Federer cried after losing Wimbledon to Rafael Nadal in what some call the greatest tennis match ever played.  The argument was that you cry when you win, not when you lose.  Well I think it showed how much Roger really wanted to win.  If he was the bottom seed and lost in the same fashion no one would have said anything.  The fact that people took for granted his greatness doesn’t mean his desire to win is diminished at all.  He obviously wanted it very badly, and I think his crying was actually commendable.

Oprah cried the other day when discussing how people thought she was a lesbian.  I don’t have a problem with that either.  I think it’s kind of insulting to assume a strong independent woman is a lesbian.  Somehow ambition in women is seen as gay which is kind of weird because it is perceived as the opposite in men, but chalk that up to another double standard.  Anyway Oprah, Roger and Hillary don’t cry in public with any kind of consistency.  Put a camera on this guy and remind him of his life and this guy Boehner is like a 5-year-old watching Bambi’s mother get killed.

Man up Boehner!

And like Brett Favre, you know his last name is not pronounced Bayner.  You can’t just make up a different pronouncement of your last name because you don’t like the one you got.  Change that shit altogether!

Man up John Boner!

The Lupa Show Episode 3

Posted in The Lupa Show with tags , , , on December 11, 2010 by Lupa

The Lupa Show Episode 3: “Derek Jeter isn’t black”

Good lord, what an episode we have today!  Special guests GhostFace Killa and Michael McDonald stob by the studio, Joey tells us why he hates the Bronx, Tyrone explains that Derek Jeter isn’t really black, Rebecca is high off blow…AGAIN and what is the deal with Ronald?

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