EXCLUSIVE! From R. Kelly to Roman Polanski

A reader of mine recently sent me an intercepted letter R. Kelly sent to Roman Polanski in prison.

Their correspondence is not at all surprising.  After all, they both should be on “To Catch A Predator.”

Some people consider them both genuises, though I still put the benchmark of genius at someone like oh maybe Albert Einstein or Jimi Hendrix.  In any event, they are connected for sticking their members in underage girls.

Here’s the letter, and it’s worth noting that instead of putting (sic) everywhere to denote that I know it’s spelled wrong, it’s just going as is.  Apparently R. Kelly can belt out a tune but has the linguistic capabilities of a retarded house cat.

Deer Romaine,

My name is R. Kelley, I am a singer known to the world as being a jeanius.  I am righting to support u.  I believe u will be a free man.

Any amount of lite reserch will tell u that I also had a similiar problem where I had sex with a 14 year girl, though she might have been 12 (sweet, rite?).  Stand strong brother, I videotaped the shit.  They saw my face up close in the camera.  Shit was at Virgin records.  I violated the girl in a room in my house widely scene on “Cribs”.  You know what, I beet the case.

You have the whole, “it was the 70’s and things were different, and it wasn’t rape, it was unwanted seduction.”  I didn’t have any of that shit going for me.  Plus you are old, arent you like 166?

This will all be over soon, and when you get out we are gonna start the molester’s ball (you know like the player’s ball, you dig?)

I also wanted to say I loved your movie E.T., but why the alien had to be black?

It’s all good my nigga.  Society doesn’t understand that it’s perfectly healthy for grown men to lust for adolescent females.  What’s next, that love I shared my favorite pitbull is wrong too?

Keep ya head, you be aight.

I’m workin on this next song, wish me luck.  It’s called, “I Finally Left The Closet, but Now I Want Back IN!”

you’re homie,

R. Kelley

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: