Christina Raines: The Dumbest Bitch On The Planet

You probably have never heard of 23 year old Christina Raines, however her fiance Drew Peterson has been in the news lately. Peterson is a 54 year old former police sergeant and Christina will be his 5th wife.

A couple of things immediately pop into one’s mind upon learning that information: One, this man has to be some sort of mack extraordinaire to be able to pull a chick half his age. I know those police pensions and benefits are nice, but Drew ain’t makin it rain any time soon. With precise and thorough bullshit though, any man can make it cloudy. 

If making it rain is showering a bitch with money, making it cloudy is just gassing her up like you can. Eventually the clouds will part and sun will shine through which is when the jig is up. Point blank, the man has to have game. Bullshit can get you laid, but game official gets a bitch half your age to want to walk down the aisle.

The second thing that pops into one’s mind is, why has this man been married four times previously? Women are the ones that habitually marry. After a guy gets his bucks split a couple times, he’s a little cold to the notion of matrimony. Is this man helplessly unlucky in love? What is goin on here?

Let’s see, his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson (born January 20, 1984) went missing on October 28, 2007. Poor Drew claims Stacy called him to say that she left him for another man. Oh, and she also left her car at the airport. Damn, that’s gotta fuck a guy up right? Your wife leaves you, and on top of that you have to go get her car at the airport. Guess her new man has better wheels. I feel for this guy.

Drew’s third wife was Kathleen Savio. They had their ups and downs. Between 2002 – 2004, police were called to their house 18 times on domestic disturbance calls. She was about 40 at the time of the incidents, so surely she was a jaded middle aged woman beating on her husband. On March 1st 2004 Kathleen’s body was found in her bathtub and was ruled an accidental drowning. After Stacy went missing, apparently someone put 0 + 0 together and additional research was done on Kathleen. The new pathologist was none other than Dr. Michael Baden, who used to have that grisly ass autopsy show on HBO. 

Turns out they didn’t give him that show for nothing. He concluded she died of drowning following a struggle and her body was placed in the bathtub. Stacy’s pastor says that before she went missing, she told him Drew had said he killed Kathleen and made it look like an accident. She also provided his alibi in that case to boot. Stand by your man, I can dig it.

Drew’s second wife, Vicki Connolly, alleged ten years of physical abuse at the hands of Drew, including abuse to her daughter.

Wait, so Drew isn’t just an awww shucks guy who has really bad luck? They say where there is smoke there is fire, and this muthafucka is the Marlboro Man riding Joe Camel.

So let’s go back to his current fiance Christina. Where has this bitch been? Perhaps she just moved to the country or just learned to read or bought her first TV. Maybe she is at that retardation threshold, something like Forrest Gump, and also used to smoke a lot of crack. Crack fucks up your brain, ya know? 

This is mad unfortunate on many levels. The obvious tradegy is this man killed two women, abused another, and who knows where his first wife is at (though I’m not speculating she is dead, just Wikipedia doesn’t say anything on her).

There are plenty of good but socially inept guys that struggle getting first dates with women their own age. Here is a grown ass man going through young ass women like they are disposable batteries. Then we have his new fiance. If you are her parents you are not wishing you chose life, you are wishing you choose death. By coat hanger if necessary. 

If Wikipedia is accurate, and it’s not like anyone can change any information there at a whim, he didn’t have any kids so that is a relief.

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